First Post-Chemo Update

It has now been over three weeks since my last treatment and the chemo should be out of my system now! Overall I have been feeling really well. I feel like I have a little more energy lately. My blood counts show that I am still anemic so it might all be from a placebo effect, but I'll take it! I have been stepping up my exercise routine and even ran for the first time in several months. It was a slow half mile, but I am fine with baby steps for now. I have also started to add in Yoga three times a week. My fingernails still look awful and I lost half of my right thumbnail. All I can do now is wait for them to grow out.

I haven't seen any signs of hair growth yet, but hopefully that will start in the next few weeks. I am going to have Derek take a picture once a week to document the process. Here is picture #1:

Yesterday I received my first Herceptin-only infusion. This is the medication that I need to continue getting every three weeks until next April. I realize that most people have never heard of this medication before, but this website explains everything really well. It was a little strange going back to the oncology office and sitting in the chemo room but not actually getting chemo. It was also nice to only be in the chair for 30 minutes instead of three hours!

Last week we met with my plastic surgeon and my implants are all picked out. Right now we are just waiting for the surgery to be scheduled, most likely for October 11 or 12. Overall the tissue expanders don't bother me as much anymore, but it will still be really nice to get rid of them!

I've been waiting for this post for a long time!

First of all let me give you an update from my last post...

I did not end up having the pericardiocentesis last week. Once I got to the hospital they did another echocardiogram and the doctor felt that the fluid had actually decreased slightly. He was worried about there being too little fluid to do safely without hitting my heart and felt that a surgical drainage and biopsy would be the better route. After talking with my oncologist we have decided to hold off on that for now. She thinks that one of my medications (the Taxotere) could be the cause, but she has only seen that happen once before. Right now she has me on a course of steroids for the next month to see if that will fix the problem and I have a repeat echocardiogram scheduled for the end of August.

Because she thinks the Taxotere could be the cause of the fluid, she decided to let me skip it last Friday! I don't need to delay it at all, I just didn't need to get the last dose thank goodness! I did still receive my Carboplatin (the other chemo med) and the Herceptin (the medication I will continue until April), and as of right now I am very happy to say that

 I. AM. DONE. WITH. CHEMO!

I have been waiting to type those words for a long time! Looking back there is part of me that feels this has been the longest 3 1/2 months (5 really) of my life, but there is also part of me that feels the time went by relatively quickly. While this experience definitely hasn't been easy, I have to be honest and say that it was not as bad as I was expecting (probably because I was expecting the worst). What surprised me the most what how much of a "normal" life I was still able to live. I never had to call in sick or go home early from work. I still exercised almost every day. I still saw my friends and family and just kept focusing on living life as much as I could. There really is a part of me that feels that I can get through anything if I can make it through all of this.

I celebrated my last day of chemo at a Twins game with my coworkers on Friday night. We made a "Circle Me Bert" sign and it worked...I was "circled" sometime around the 6th inning! The rest of the weekend wasn't actually very good...the nausea was worse than any of the previous cycles. Today I am happy to report that I am feeling (mostly) back to normal.

It would be really great if all of the ridiculously annoying side effects from chemo would just instantly resolve after the last treatment, but sadly I know that's just wishful thinking. I should start to see some hair growth in about a month or so. I plan to document with lots of pictures! My nails are brutal right now so I will be patiently waiting for them to grow out. The numbness and tingling in my hands and feet might persist for quite a while. I am really excited for my energy levels to get back to normal, my skin to not be so dry, and to come out of menopause!

The next two months are now filled with a lot more appointments. My Monday afternoons off are filled until October! I will be meeting with my plastic surgeon in a few weeks to discuss my second surgery (where the tissue expanders will be removed and the actual implants placed). Realistically I won't be doing that until around mid-October.

I really can't even begin to thank you all so much for all of your love and support through this entire process. The kindness that has been shown to me by not only my family and friends but also complete strangers has been completely humbling. I only hope that I can do my part to pay it all forward. This journey isn't over for me yet, so I will keep the updates coming!

Fear and Frustration

As I write this post I have a lot of different emotions and thoughts running through my head.

Right now I should be thrilled that my last round of chemo is only a few days away, but that joy is currently being overshadowed with fear and frustration.

If you read my last post you know that my second echocardiogram showed a growing pericardial effusion that I needed to meet with a cardiologist to discuss. Well I had that appointment on Friday afternoon. He said that the fluid is most likely caused by inflammation, but there is a small chance that it could be related to a spread of the cancer. He wants to be sure, so he recommended that I have a pericardiocentesis. This is a procedure done in the cath lab under conscious sedation. A needle will be inserted into the sac surrounding my heart and the fluid will be drained and sent to the lab for analysis. It is scheduled for Wednesday morning.

I won't lie, I am very nervous about the procedure. I'm also incredibly nervous about the results. I know the odds are that it is not related to a spread of the cancer, but that doesn't always mean much to me anymore since the odds were that my breast lump wasn't cancer either. I guess I just wasn't expecting to have to worry about something like this so soon. I will definitely keep you all posted.

Since my last treatment I have overall been doing ok. Last Thursday I went in to be evaluated for a blood clot. I developed an area on the back of my calf that was painful, red, and warm. Those are all symptoms of a clot, but fortunately it ended up being cellulitis (an infection of the skin). I have been on an antibiotic and the symptoms have been resolving. I have also developed an infected fingernail for which the antibiotic seems to be helping as well.

I am still trying to stay hopeful and positive about everything, but lately it has been more difficult. I am really just frustrated with being a patient. I have had at least one appointment for something every single week since the end of February. Prior to this I have always been pretty healthy, so the past 5 months have been quite a change.

I am just really ready to be done.

17 days and counting

A lot can happen in 17 days.

One thing I know for sure is that 17 days from now I will be getting my last session of chemo (let's hope for good).

It's a little strange to look back on the experience now. I just realized that 17 days after my first treatment was when my hair started to fall out. Those 2 1/2 weeks certainly went by fast, so hopefully these next 2 1/2 will do the same.

This cycle I made the one primary mistake a chemo patient should never, EVER do, and that is forget to take your nausea medication.

Derek and I went to a movie Saturday afternoon and I thought I had the pills in my purse, but as in typical, chemo-brain fashion I actually left them sitting on the counter. Instead of taking my medication every 6 hours I had to stretch it out to 8 which lead to more nausea than I had previously experienced. I was still very lucky and never actually had any vomiting, but it felt like I was playing catch-up for almost 24 hours with the medication.

Other than that there have not been any new symptoms. I still get very restless and anxious from the Compazine I take for nausea. My new favorite routine on Sunday night post-treatment is taking my sleeping medication early and getting 10 hours of sleep (it's fabulous)!

One new development is actually my heart. I had an echocardiogram a few days before starting treatment in April. I was told everything was normal but have recently found out that there was actually a small pericardial effusion (fluid collection surrounding the heart) found. At the time it was small and asymptomatic so it was essentially nothing to worry about. Two weeks ago I had a follow-up ultrasound (I need one every three months). On this scan the pericardial effusion has become slightly larger and is causing some increased atrial pressure. Both of my artria (the top chambers of the heart) are also slightly dilated along with my inferior vena cava (the main vessel bringing deoxygenated blood back to the heart).

Sorry for all of the big fancy medical terms.

In layman's terms, I'm not a cardiologist and have no clue what it all means! The Herceptin that I will be receiving until April can cause heart damage, but they don't necessarily think it should be causing these particular changes so I have to have a consult with a cardiologist just be sure. Even during exercise I have no symptoms so I am not too worried at this point. It's just become one more thing to cross off of my list trying to get back to "normal".

I wanted to attach some pictures of my nails since I have been complaining about them. They don't  think my fingernails will fall off, thank goodness. The toenails are more likely to fall off because of wearing shoes, so I am trying to wear flip flops as much as possible now. Once the nails turn dark they also get more sensitive, but they haven't really been painful lately (just still very numb).

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely" -Roald Dahl

Chemo Round 4

I am happy to say that I am halfway through treatment #4, and in just over a month it will be time for my last session of chemo! So far treatments 1 and 3 have been the worst but 2 and 4 were a little easier. Days 2-5 are still the worst of each cycle but by day 6 I am for the most part feeling back to normal. I would love to have my energy back but the fatigue really isn't as bad as I thought it would be by now.  I am still exercising every day and most of the time I am walking 3 miles, plus some short pilates workouts and other toning exercises.

My fingernails are now numb most of the time and my toes get numb at least once a day. One of my toenails has become very dark and there is a good chance it will fall off. My thumb and index fingernails have been painful and very sensitive, which combined with the numbness has become extremely annoying. Right now I would love more than anything for my hands to just feel normal again! I have also developed some sort of rash on the right side of my face and my left eye has been tearing up frequently for the past two days.

One thing that I haven't mentioned yet is that chemo has officially made me menopausal. When I stopped having periods I originally thought it was because of my IUD. I had my hormone levels checked to confirm and they were definitely in the menopausal range. Because I am so young this will most likely be temporary and should resolve within 6 months to a year from my last treatment. I have been getting very warm at night lately but fortunately haven't had a single hot flash. For now I am just thankful for no periods!

I briefly want to talk about Robin Roberts, the co-anchor of Good Morning America. Many of you probably heard the news a few weeks ago that she was diagnosed with something called Myelodysplastic Syndrome. You can click on the link to learn more about it. She had chemotherapy for breast cancer several years ago and has developed MDS as a result of that. In order to treat the MDS she now has to do another course of chemotherapy followed by a bone marrow transplant. It is scary and doesn't happen often, but I too will be at risk for developing MDS. Naturally I'll be following her story very closely!

I hope you all have a fantastic Fourth of July holiday! Derek and I plan on spending it with our families and some close friends this weekend.

The countdown is on.....31 days!

Halfway!

I was really hoping to get this posted several days ago, but please forgive me for not feeling up to blogging. Last Friday I had chemo #3, which means I am now halfway through this portion of treatment! This one honestly hit me a little harder than the others, but things seem to be on the upswing now.

During the first two treatments I had several hours before I started to feel anything resembling nausea. This time I had about 5 minutes before I needed to take my Compazine! Between taking the medication and eating some dinner it did resolve, but I was nervous for a while. I had a similar episode on Sunday where I really thought I was going to be sick, but luckily that passed as well.

Speaking of the Compazine, I have to say that I hate, hate, hate taking it. It works really well for the nausea, but for the 3 days that I take it my mind feels very cloudy and I get this terrible anxiety. If I am standing all I want to do is sit down, but when I sit and relax all I want to do is be up and moving. Time goes by incredibly slowly, so much so that I literally count down in minutes until I can go to sleep or take a nap. There is a different nausea medication called Zofran that I can start taking 72 hours after chemo and that doesn't give me those side effects, but if I take it too soon I could get a massive headache.

On the subject of naps, they are definitely my friend! The past few weeks I have been experiencing more fatigue and I'm usually pretty exhausted by the end of the day. Since I'm still working full time getting a nap in during the day is out of the question, but this weekend I made up for it by taking two naps. Each day. That's right, I now have a morning nap and an afternoon nap routine. And by Monday night I was still falling asleep on the couch by 8:15!

Tuesday I felt the usual "got hit by a truck" feeling all day. It continues to be my absolute worst day of each treatment cycle. Working on this day is difficult, but luckily not so much so that I have to stay home (I think I really might go crazy if that happens). I had my Neulasta injection yesterday instead of Monday, and I think I might start doing that for the remainder of the treatments. The achiness set in last night and this morning but I no longer even need to take Tylenol to manage it. The thrush and mouth sores once again came like clockwork and the terrible appetite is back as well. The only new, bothersome symptom is numbness in my hands and feet. This happened a few times last week but now seems to be coming and going fairly regularly. I can't complain too much just yet, but it certainly does get annoying. Unfortunately this is one side effect that could linger for quite a while once I stop treatment (potentially a few years even).

There are times when I get ecstatic thinking that I am halfway done, but there are times when the thought of having to go through three more full cycles is really daunting (especially the days where I am feeling like crap). I know that overall I really don't have too much to complain about since I am doing so much better than I ever expected. It seems like such a simple thing, but I have really learned to appreciate the days when I can actually say "I feel good today".

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus

2012 Race for The Cure

Hello everyone!

I am very happy to say that last week went just as predicted. I had all of the same symptoms from cycle 1, but most of them were much easier to tolerate this time around. I think partly because I knew what to expect, and partly because I was able to pre-medicate myself earlier than last time. By Thursday I was honestly feeling pretty normal again. The one symptom that has now surfaced is what most people call "chemo brain". To put it mildly, my short term memory seems to be fried! If I have a thought that I don't write down or put in my phone right away, I won't remember it in 5 minutes. Derek and I both agree that if this is the worst of my side effects so far then I certainly can't complain, but it does get frustrating at times. The fatigue has seemed to start since my last post as well. It is not all-consuming, can't get out of bed in the morning fatigue, but I seem to be getting tired much easier than ever before. There are times when it is worse than others, but so far still very manageable with naps.

Derek and I did the Race for the Cure at the Mall of America today and it was a fantastic experience. We walked with some of his fabulous marketing co-workers and had perfect weather. I put pictures at the end. I started the race with a bright pink wig but it got uncomfortable and was giving me a headache so I switched over to a white hat half way through the race. It was simply amazing to see so many people come together for a common cause, and also to realize that so many people have been affected by this terrible disease in one way or another. Seeing so many women who have been survivors for a long time definitely gives me hope, but seeing so many people walking in honor of loved ones who have died from the disease also keeps me grounded. It just pushes me even harder to live the rest of my life as healthy as I possibly can and makes me so thankful that I have a job that allows me to help encourage others to do the same. After the walk we made our way to the survivor's celebration in the central rotunda. This was truly the most amazing part of the experience for me. Part of me felt like I didn't belong; that I couldn't possibly be considered a breast cancer survivor at only 29 years old. Another part of me felt so empowered standing amongst a special group of women who can truly understand what I am going through right now. Despite my best efforts to control them, tears were definitely shed.

"Promise me you'll always remember...you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know"  ~ Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh